


Feelings

by boundean



Series: collection of my short tumblr fics [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is sad, Dean has passed away, I'm Sorry, Sad with a Happy Ending, bc Dean's in heaven, but yeah im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:17:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4754630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boundean/pseuds/boundean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn't supposed to happen. It's not supposed to be like this. Yet, here he is, an angel with feelings for a certain green eyed hunter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feelings

It’s been 3 months. 3 long months. At first it was all the same. The hurt, the blinding pain that comes from losing someone you love. Then, came the numbness. Cas never thought he could feel that way. Angels after all were supposedly incapable of feeling such human emotions.

At least… That’s what he was told.

He knew better though. Deep down. His doubts arose to the surface when he first met Dean in that barn all those years ago, along with a whole tidal wave of something he had yet found a name for. Now he knows it was longing. Not only his, but Dean’s as well.

As time went on the longing only grew. It hurt most of the time. Having the knowledge that he wasn’t the only one feeling that way didn’t help aid the situation. He supposed it was better though, to leave things as they were. Not say anything. Let Sam and Dean do what they do best and try to forget these feelings he wasn’t supposed to have in the first place. He thought he’d have time…

Now he lost his chance. The day Dean died, Cas was in heaven. He could feel it. The exact moment Dean’s heart stopped beating. It was like a white hot pain, something Cas had never felt before. Afterwards, when he found the hunter laying across the motel bed, covered in his own blood, Cas had crumbled to the floor.

That was the first time he cried. These last 3 months Cas had lost track of how many times the tears had overcome him.  _It wasn’t supposed to be this way was it?_  Angels weren’t supposed to feel this. Sam always looked at him with sad eyes. Somehow he knew. He had known the whole time. Maybe Cas wasn’t as good as suppressing his feeling as he thought he was.

It’s been 2 days. 2 days since Cas had found out Dean was in heaven. After that day 3 months ago, Cas hadn’t been back to heaven. He’d cut off all contact. He couldn’t bare the thought of a heaven or earth without Dean. He’d been so  _sure_. All his sources had said Dean was in Hell. Cas even tried to bring him back. Raise him from perdition again… But Cas wasn’t as strong as he once was.

He’s in heaven though. Cas struggled to process the information at first. He’d then been trying to work up the courage to see him. Try to figure out what to say. Today however is the day. Its the day Cas finally goes back to heaven, sees Dean again.

Dean’s heaven is exactly what Cas had expected. He and Sam were in the bunker, arguing. Sam was convinced Dean had cheated in the game of cards they’re playing. Cad assumes it’s poker. All Dean ever really played was poker, and he was good from what Cas could tell. What he could remember. A heaviness settles in his chest.  _Dean was dead. Did he know he was dead? Did he understand it was for good this time?_  The only way Cas would find out is ask. And maybe, just maybe he might have enough courage to tell Dean how he felt. How he  _still_  feels.

He needs to tell him. Cas owes him that. Dean must have felt so alone. Not having the knowledge that Cas had wanted Dean just as much as he wanted Cas.  _Dean needs to know._  The tears Cas had managed to hold at bay are falling silently over his cheeks. The familiar burn of tears being shed grounds him. Gives him strength.

With a deep, shuddery breath, Cas utters the only words he knows to say. The only words that seem appropriate.

_“Hello Dean.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm literally so sorry. Why have I done this?


End file.
